In which a failure throw causes alot of guilt.

I never ever imagined that making a bad throw can cause me this amount of guilt. I always thought that the worst you can get by making one big error is to lose some super important (at least to me) competition, and feel really really hollow inside, and all the more hollow when your teamates pat you on the back and say it's alright. And by the way, that is a hypothethical situation.

But today I've realized that not the worst. The worst is that because of your failed throw that failed to go far enough, two people collided into each other. I'm not going into details, if you know what happened you know what happened. I just want to say I'm very, very, very sorry, and I wish that it never happened, and I'm just so relieved that both of you are alright. (well, not really alright.)

The funny thing is that when I think about it, I know that guilt isn't exactly the most normal emotion I should be feeling. It was an accident afterall. But it won't go away. I crave absolution. I want someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault, it was a freak accident, there was nothing I could do about that. But I know that it won't help at all. No matter what people tell me, no matter what I tell myself, this feeling won't go away.

I'm sorry.