Will you believe I'm posting again (No)

Holy fuck I'm posting again. After 2 years?!

I own. And I'll offer a prize to the first person to notice that I've started to blog again!

I guess it's cause it's so damned boring in the army, I just have to find something to do. And seeing as most of the games don't work... I've to blog I guess.

So a quick catchup: Graduated, took my A's (results weren't awesome). Finished BMT, and I'm in OCS now. It sarks balls. At least the pay's better. I CANNOT WAIT TO GET OUT OF CONFINEMENT ZZZZ!!

I'm bored of this, bai.

Post Count +1

+1!

Hohoho.

I want to play frisbee. Badly.

Feel Gud.

Shit had Freakshow tryouts today. Was pretty much just like a normal training, maybe abit less intensity on the drills, but it made me feel alive again.

Feels damn good, even though I'm sore in every conceivable place, including the base of my skull.

I will sleep now, and proceed to own tomorrow at league.

The knees.

I started out wanting to talk about bad knees and stuff like that, but I guess the down mood caught me while I am opening blogger. Anyway, pushing on with the original topic, my body's catching up with me, and the knees just randomly hurt when I straighten them. Will of course go down for Saturday's FS tryouts, just hoping that the knees will hang on till at least after Sunday's league game. Not going to miss another one.

Ever watched the 'oon-diyaih' advertisment on Discovery Channel? The one about 'I love the whole world'? Somehow that one just strikes a cord with me. Truely, the world is just awesome, but that awesomeness is only coming through from TV and Internet. What is so awesome about my life? Apart from maybe the 30 seconds a week when I pull off a nice D' during training or league, nothing. Maybe I'm so closed up to the world outside that despite it being so awesome I just can't seem to see it.

Sure, I can whine about Singapore being uninteresting and not so full of cool shishkebabs, but I am pretty sure the problem lies with me, not the world. I have become so apathetic to the wonders, nature or manmade, that I'm just unappreciative no matter what is in front of me. I wake up, wash up, eat, play/study (even when I'm playing, doing stuff that I am supposed to enjoy, I don't feel it. why? am i so used to nice things that i am numbing to them? or is there something missing?), work out a bit, eat, sleep. Maybe it really is happening: I said I'll have a routine to my life, and here it is, fucking clockwork.

What is my purpose in life? It always used to be: 'stay happy, do what you want, do what you will, try to handle it when shit hits the fan, laugh it over and stay happy'. Am I happy now? No. Am I unhappy? No. Do I envy the others' lives? Not really. What do I want? Not a damned idea.

Is it the friends? No, I am happy to say I am lucky in that I have probably the best friends in the world. Is it the parents? No, I've never been more at ease with my parents. Is it school? I don't think so, it's damned school after all, who worries about school?

Now that I've asked (and answered) so many questions to myself, I am no closer to finding what I really want. I don't think I've been in a better position in all my life. I have all that I dreamt of having when I was maybe a year or two younger.

What's missing? I don't know, I don't know if I want to find out. Maybe it is in the nature of us to never be satisfied, to constantly search for something better, but I don't think it's applicable to me. I don't yearn for something else. I just don't quite care.

Can I hide from it any longer? Play more disc? Study *shudders* harder? (or study some, that will be more accurate) Make more friends?

I think happiness, as well as peace, is not a state of existence. It is a state of mind, something that you can only achieve when you can, if you get what I mean.

After stagnating and staring at my post for a while, I realized all the while, even my previous posts, everything, they all only talk about me. Self centred much. I was going to count the number of times I used I in the post, but meh, lazy. Do I not care about others? That is a scary thought.

Looking at the top of my Mozilla Firefox window, it says: Blogger: Life just happens - Create Post - Mozilla Firefox.

Does life just happen?

Staring at your silhouette

As you walk far away, I wish you all the best.

Of paladins

“It will be the first thing you will learn, Makaelthos, that even the mightiest of paladins are far from perfect. No matter how strong a paladin stands, no matter what victories he wins or sacrifices he makes, his character is always flawed and mistakes are bound to happen. To compensate for such limits, a paladin must always be humble, humble enough to face the consequences of each mistake and ask for forgiveness. He sees his flaws clearly and through them he sees the flaws of others, free of the arrogant belief that perfection is attainable, he is never in danger of being corrupted. For, in order to maintain the will to move forward, he seeks to look past these flaws and see only what is good. ”

“Because perfection is unnecessary; because it is the nature of good to forgive flaws. Only those who are evil seek perfection, for forgiveness has no place in their hearts. "

~~~

“Then you understand, Makaelthos, a paladin’s most important trait. A paladin has faith, faith in his friends and faith in his cause. He trusts that good can triumph in all fights. He trusts his friends to overcome their own trials on their own without losing his resolve to do what must be done if they fail. He believes in what he fights for wholeheartedly, without the shadow of a doubt or hesitation.”

-Sir Thomas Valorcrescent

(This comes from Crimson Twilight: Dusk, by Tom Valor. It all belongs to him. I quote him because I found these words wise as well as interesting.)

Passing thoughts

it's quite strange what kind of routine my life has fallen it: i get up, go work, make small talk with colleagues, go home or go eat with friends, then sleep, exhausted.

maybe there's really no more space in my life for you anymore. maybe i think of you less because there is less time for me to think about you. or is there less of you for me to think about? i dont know, and i suspect that i wont ever know.

i cant look you in the eye anymore. there is something about your glance. i can't chat with you anymore. there is something in your voice.

i hate you. you want something that i want.

god i dont even know what im talking about, what i want, what i need, what i think.

FUCK YOU PLEASE JUST

TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT

please.