The knees.
I started out wanting to talk about bad knees and stuff like that, but I guess the down mood caught me while I am opening blogger. Anyway, pushing on with the original topic, my body's catching up with me, and the knees just randomly hurt when I straighten them. Will of course go down for Saturday's FS tryouts, just hoping that the knees will hang on till at least after Sunday's league game. Not going to miss another one.
Ever watched the 'oon-diyaih' advertisment on Discovery Channel? The one about 'I love the whole world'? Somehow that one just strikes a cord with me. Truely, the world is just awesome, but that awesomeness is only coming through from TV and Internet. What is so awesome about my life? Apart from maybe the 30 seconds a week when I pull off a nice D' during training or league, nothing. Maybe I'm so closed up to the world outside that despite it being so awesome I just can't seem to see it.
Sure, I can whine about Singapore being uninteresting and not so full of cool shishkebabs, but I am pretty sure the problem lies with me, not the world. I have become so apathetic to the wonders, nature or manmade, that I'm just unappreciative no matter what is in front of me. I wake up, wash up, eat, play/study (even when I'm playing, doing stuff that I am supposed to enjoy, I don't feel it. why? am i so used to nice things that i am numbing to them? or is there something missing?), work out a bit, eat, sleep. Maybe it really is happening: I said I'll have a routine to my life, and here it is, fucking clockwork.
What is my purpose in life? It always used to be: 'stay happy, do what you want, do what you will, try to handle it when shit hits the fan, laugh it over and stay happy'. Am I happy now? No. Am I unhappy? No. Do I envy the others' lives? Not really. What do I want? Not a damned idea.
Is it the friends? No, I am happy to say I am lucky in that I have probably the best friends in the world. Is it the parents? No, I've never been more at ease with my parents. Is it school? I don't think so, it's damned school after all, who worries about school?
Now that I've asked (and answered) so many questions to myself, I am no closer to finding what I really want. I don't think I've been in a better position in all my life. I have all that I dreamt of having when I was maybe a year or two younger.
What's missing? I don't know, I don't know if I want to find out. Maybe it is in the nature of us to never be satisfied, to constantly search for something better, but I don't think it's applicable to me. I don't yearn for something else. I just don't quite care.
Can I hide from it any longer? Play more disc? Study *shudders* harder? (or study some, that will be more accurate) Make more friends?
I think happiness, as well as peace, is not a state of existence. It is a state of mind, something that you can only achieve when you can, if you get what I mean.
After stagnating and staring at my post for a while, I realized all the while, even my previous posts, everything, they all only talk about me. Self centred much. I was going to count the number of times I used I in the post, but meh, lazy. Do I not care about others? That is a scary thought.
Looking at the top of my Mozilla Firefox window, it says: Blogger: Life just happens - Create Post - Mozilla Firefox.
Does life just happen?
Ever watched the 'oon-diyaih' advertisment on Discovery Channel? The one about 'I love the whole world'? Somehow that one just strikes a cord with me. Truely, the world is just awesome, but that awesomeness is only coming through from TV and Internet. What is so awesome about my life? Apart from maybe the 30 seconds a week when I pull off a nice D' during training or league, nothing. Maybe I'm so closed up to the world outside that despite it being so awesome I just can't seem to see it.
Sure, I can whine about Singapore being uninteresting and not so full of cool shishkebabs, but I am pretty sure the problem lies with me, not the world. I have become so apathetic to the wonders, nature or manmade, that I'm just unappreciative no matter what is in front of me. I wake up, wash up, eat, play/study (even when I'm playing, doing stuff that I am supposed to enjoy, I don't feel it. why? am i so used to nice things that i am numbing to them? or is there something missing?), work out a bit, eat, sleep. Maybe it really is happening: I said I'll have a routine to my life, and here it is, fucking clockwork.
What is my purpose in life? It always used to be: 'stay happy, do what you want, do what you will, try to handle it when shit hits the fan, laugh it over and stay happy'. Am I happy now? No. Am I unhappy? No. Do I envy the others' lives? Not really. What do I want? Not a damned idea.
Is it the friends? No, I am happy to say I am lucky in that I have probably the best friends in the world. Is it the parents? No, I've never been more at ease with my parents. Is it school? I don't think so, it's damned school after all, who worries about school?
Now that I've asked (and answered) so many questions to myself, I am no closer to finding what I really want. I don't think I've been in a better position in all my life. I have all that I dreamt of having when I was maybe a year or two younger.
What's missing? I don't know, I don't know if I want to find out. Maybe it is in the nature of us to never be satisfied, to constantly search for something better, but I don't think it's applicable to me. I don't yearn for something else. I just don't quite care.
Can I hide from it any longer? Play more disc? Study *shudders* harder? (or study some, that will be more accurate) Make more friends?
I think happiness, as well as peace, is not a state of existence. It is a state of mind, something that you can only achieve when you can, if you get what I mean.
After stagnating and staring at my post for a while, I realized all the while, even my previous posts, everything, they all only talk about me. Self centred much. I was going to count the number of times I used I in the post, but meh, lazy. Do I not care about others? That is a scary thought.
Looking at the top of my Mozilla Firefox window, it says: Blogger: Life just happens - Create Post - Mozilla Firefox.
Does life just happen?