Red Riding Hood & The Five Dogs - Part I
This story begins with a pig and his wife, the world renowned Red Riding Hood. As all of us know, when she was little, she personally saw to the destruction of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the terrifying werewolf, Remus Lupin. Oh shit.
Before I begin, however, I must talk a bit about the history of this story.
After Red Riding Hood's grand adventures when she was little, she retired as a story book character along with Remus, for entirely different reasons. Lupin because he died when the hunter killed him, and Red Riding Hood because she wanted to open a farm with her husband, who of course was the hunter.
However, there was to be no happily ever after for these two. As more children are growing up on a daily diet of new superheroes who want to look like they have balls and thus wear their underwears on the outside, the heroes of the past are slowly being forgotten. Sales of the books containing the legendary tales of these heroes, such as Rapunzel bringing down the dreaded Two Towers with her golden locks of hair, began to dwindle. Red Riding Hood could not stand such a sight. In the end, she came out and said,
"I shall save the industry and let the world know that we heroes of the past are not to be trifled with! The world has not heard the last of Red Riding Hood!"
And so at the tender age of 21, Red Riding Hood came out of retirement.
Her husband, however, was not ready to leave his couch. In between bites of Lays, he said,
"You little munch girl! Don't think crunch you can make your own decisions munch! I am definitely not gulp going on another one of those stupid crunch adventures again!"
At this turn of events, all the writers' hopes were crushed again. Whoever could write a book about Red Riding Hood without her trusty hunter?
Fortunately, the Fairy Godmother came to our rescue. With a swish of her wand, she changed the hunter into a pig so that Red Riding Hood could bring him anywhere without him complaining. As to why she chose to change him into a pig instead of something more obedient like a dog, nobody knows. Truly, Fairy Godmothers work in strange ways.
And so, with her pig at her side, pen in the writer's hand, Red Riding Hood set out on her journey with confidence, knowing that if the story is named after her, she cannot die.
To be continued...
Before I begin, however, I must talk a bit about the history of this story.
After Red Riding Hood's grand adventures when she was little, she retired as a story book character along with Remus, for entirely different reasons. Lupin because he died when the hunter killed him, and Red Riding Hood because she wanted to open a farm with her husband, who of course was the hunter.
However, there was to be no happily ever after for these two. As more children are growing up on a daily diet of new superheroes who want to look like they have balls and thus wear their underwears on the outside, the heroes of the past are slowly being forgotten. Sales of the books containing the legendary tales of these heroes, such as Rapunzel bringing down the dreaded Two Towers with her golden locks of hair, began to dwindle. Red Riding Hood could not stand such a sight. In the end, she came out and said,
"I shall save the industry and let the world know that we heroes of the past are not to be trifled with! The world has not heard the last of Red Riding Hood!"
And so at the tender age of 21, Red Riding Hood came out of retirement.
Her husband, however, was not ready to leave his couch. In between bites of Lays, he said,
"You little munch girl! Don't think crunch you can make your own decisions munch! I am definitely not gulp going on another one of those stupid crunch adventures again!"
At this turn of events, all the writers' hopes were crushed again. Whoever could write a book about Red Riding Hood without her trusty hunter?
Fortunately, the Fairy Godmother came to our rescue. With a swish of her wand, she changed the hunter into a pig so that Red Riding Hood could bring him anywhere without him complaining. As to why she chose to change him into a pig instead of something more obedient like a dog, nobody knows. Truly, Fairy Godmothers work in strange ways.
And so, with her pig at her side, pen in the writer's hand, Red Riding Hood set out on her journey with confidence, knowing that if the story is named after her, she cannot die.
To be continued...